January 13, 2020
“When I don’t want to be somebody, then I will be done”.
Will Be Done – so I wrote that when I was 40. And Dad and I disagreed over what it meant. Trying to remember exactly what his view was (maybe he was right?*) but that’s actually a little off track.
As I become more absurdist, at least how I see absurdism – that nothing has meaning, especially in regards to ambition; Who am I trying impress? What is the point of “achievement” or notoriety other than the craving for acknowledgement, approval etc., as proof that we mean something, whether we’re a success and a winner or not, that we even exist, but we keep trying to find that meaning anyway? – my view has evolved. On one hand, that “when I don’t want to be somebody, then I will be done” means that when I no longer have ambition, I’ll be ready to die. But now, I see that perhaps I was 180 degrees off – that it really means when I stop wanting to be “somebody”, then I will be free and will live out my days happier. I won’t be done, I’ll be beginning.
Aha! But if that’s true, the lyrical premise can actually stay the same, but the definition of “somebody” and of “ambitions” change. My ambition is not to be acknowledged or approved by anybody but ME. It’s not about fame or glory or riches or “achievement”. Success is peace, and getting there is a very strong ambition. I don’t want to be “somebody”, but rather, that somebody is me! I just want to find me, love me, finally become me and live with me in peace. When I don’t want to be somebody, but have become me… then I will be done!
Well… maybe I can wallow in my peaceful contentedness for awhile before being done. Doesn’t have to be instantaneous 🙂
* And maybe we were both right, me through my 40 year old lens, him through his 65 year old one!
Will Be Done
I was walking down the street the other day
In a town I called my home
Had a plan but then my feet got in the way
Then I wandered
Held a baby in my arms the other day
Another life had just begun
Blink my eyes and how the time has got away
And then I ponder
When I can’t be somebody
Then I will be done
And when I don’t want to be somebody
Then I will be done
I was looking at my son the other day
Not a baby anymore
Turn my head and now the black’s turned into grey
One more summer
When I can’t be somebody
Then I will be done
And when I don’t want to be somebody
Then I will be…
But I am young and strong
And my life is oh so long
But wasn’t it just dawn?
Tell me where, where has the day gone?
Where has the day gone?
I was thinking of my youth the other day
In a place so far away
So much closer to the truth I’d have to say
How much longer?
When I can’t be somebody
Then I will be done
And when I don’t want to be somebody
Then I will be done
I was looking at the stars the other night
Didn’t seem so far away
I’m not a moth but I’m still headed for the light
And that’s all I’ll say
Words and music by bobwhite
© 2003 Hannah’s Dad’s Music/Samsongs BMI
bobwhite is:
bob white – lead vocals, acoustic guitars, drum programs
barlow sample – electric guitars and background vocals
cliff – bass and vocals
joe bob “don’t call me bob” bob – drums and percussion
Special guest: J. ‘Dizz’ Astor – organ
produced by Roman Cliff
engineered by Hans Asperger
mixed by Joey Abersom
recorded at 44 Square, California, USA
vocals recorded in the blue room
executive producer – Joel Abramson
photo by Roberto Blanco, Rat Beach, CA